Why I’m not hopping aboard the Little Mermaid craze.

So this one, I admit, is not about music and creativity. It’s about Disney, which a lot of the time is as far away from the afforementioned as you can come. But bear with me.

There’s been a wee Little Mermaid craze of late. Nostalgic parents from my generation show it to their kids, merchandise is popping up and exclamations of joy are shared with everyone on facebook if “You’re Ariel” in the oh so scientific “What Disney Princess are you?” test.

I’m not buying into it. First of all, Ariel was never my favourite. I liked Mulan, which may come as no surprise, and, a bit more of a surprise maybe; Sleeping Beauty. Even though I’ve become a bit uneasy, nowadays, about the fact that she’s molested in her sleep.

But there are just so many wrongs that can’t make a right here. A young student asked the Disney crew once why Ariel couldn’t write a note to the prince, she was clearly literate and could write and read. And it’s a legit question. It leads me to my numero uno, my big kahuna of quorn beefs (I’m a vegetarian);

WHY THE HELL DOES NOONE ACKNOWLEDGE THERE’S A TALKING CRAB??!! She’s got a friendly, walking talking crab right there fluent in moving his voicebox when she has none. For chrissake Ariel, use the crab, use the crab! Flounder I get, it’d be far too exhausting for him talking above water what with geels and all, but Sebastian clearly had no problem! “What if he spoke this sea creature language only Ariel understood?” No, he didn’t. He had no problem singing audibly to set the mood for a kiss in the moonlight, and when Erik didn’t remember Ariel’s name Sebastian jumped up and whispered it in his ear. “Wouldn’t he panic if a crab started talking?” Well… I guess no more than when he finds out the girl sat next to him is a mermaid he has to fall in love with and kiss in order for her to keep her legs and get her voice back from the evil sea witch. So there’s no excuse not using the talking crab. Sebastian, you selfish crustacean.

I’ll only touch the feminist subject for a moment. I get the 16-year-old supercrush- and “daddy I want legs to be with him” thing. But Ariel, you b*tch, your best friends are flounders and crabs and you get to hang with them all the time. Do you know how jealous the rest of us leggies are watching youtube videos of people petting sea dwellers like salmon, dolphins, rays, sealions, submarines, etc? And you give it up for a boy? Foooh…

The voice thing is a bit odd too. Singing to an unconcious man instead of giving him CPR? No 16-year-old is THAT naïve, that’s just a safety hazard, she ows us all to go to one of them classes. And Erik? What a douche! “No, you’re mute, you can’t be her”. What if she had gotten acute tonsilitis or something?

Lastly, I just can’t relate to Ariel. Loose clams holding up your breasts? Not even teenagers have that perky-power. The shafing alone must be excrutiating. And that lustrous hair in sea water, that thick, and you can comb it out with a fork? I believe Jenna Marbles touched the subject as well. Don’t get me wrong, I love gingers, just love ’em, I had a few ginger moments when my hair would swing that way, one of the wives is ginger, Julianne Moore is awesome and Prince Harry is certainly a bad boy alternative if you’re not into William. But in the words of Jenna Marbles; “Bitch, that came from a bottle, you’re not fooling anyone!” And singing under water certainly sounds a lot more crap than it does when Ariel carries a tune. No relate power at all. Sorry. If “You’re Ariel” in those tests, I just know we have nothing in common.

And lets not forget, HC Andersen’s tale did not, I repeat did NOT end in the same way at all. Quite a spin there, Disney. That’s why the Little Mermaid train is just not for me.

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mermaid
Proof and point. Any attempt at being
mermaid-y fails miserably. Would help if I had access to
Ariel’s “Giant clam shells’r’us”store, I’m sure…

Homecoming

Back from Italy and the alps!

I did bring my zoom but found no pure sound I wanted to record, the alps are surpisingly full of motorsounds and fast cars all over the place.

I did get some work done though, sold physical records and got played quite a lot upon mentioning I make music. Not that I tried too hard, I was even made fun of for “sitting quietly on a song treasure”, someone just asked me; “Hey, you’re young, how do you transfer big files on a mobile phone?” “Dang it, I should know this, I’m a musician” and that was it. I really did intend on going full on vacation mode. Sometimes work finds you.
Noteworthy is that I’m doing a whole lot better with physical albums than I am with downloads, makes me wonder if the trend is turning, I did hear a lot of “Oh, but I want the album, I want to show it off to friends and promote you, lyrics and pics and all!” Ironically, I made fewer prints of this album than I ever have, so I might have to print some more.

Even though I got no samples, I visited inspiring places and the alp air is good for your lungs, so inspiration I’ve got plenty.
As soon as I entered Swedish grounds I got a new gig June 6th as well, so there has been some smooth sailing.

You get pics from the good camera eventually, for now settle for some mobile phone stuff! 🙂

   
      

Keepin’ it reel

Gag reel for Friendly Fire. Mostly because I wanna show you there’s no supra-human behind the scenes who casually sips her tea from a flowery tea cup between takes.

First of all you have to understand something. When I practised the routine I basically wore underwear. Tiny shorts and a sports bra. After three goes I was knackered. The shoot was five takes. Fully dressed. With a cold, so a proper mouth breather. I was a slight wreck which you can see on my chest and how it moves. All respect to the little kid, Maddie Ziegler, that Sia uses!

Posting today coz it’ll be my last post for a while. Work 8-22 for two days straight, then rehearsals with the gang and new addition Sekalita (Jessica), then off to Italy with a stop at the alps where I’ve promised to twirl around and sing about the hills being alive, only apt since my name is Maria.

Some behind the scene pics to, the absolutely awesome tummy rolls mean I’m a human being, go figure, and the graceful cleavage wipe is my favourite.

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New music video- Dance, puppet, dance!

For my latest music video I decided to take my dancing out of the hobby room and into my music, a bold move for me who likes to dance when no one is watching. The red tank top caused some disturbances as I was sitting with the filmer chatting as he was transferring files. Some teenage boys and dare I say older men bumped into things with no explanation. I ended up putting my jacket on…

But if you’ve ever wanted me to  quote Robin Williams and perform interprative dance in a red net tanktop today is your lucky day!

New single Friendly Fire, with B-side!

‘Ere you go, governor’, ‘ave a listen!

http://open.spotify.com/album/3q0qpWqHXNGWMUDCoHj8H8

Tomorrow, friday, I’ll be recording the video as well. Haven’t been able to go about it as usual, practising choreography and excersizing a bit extra the days before. Mainly to have the muscles to make the moves properly, to not be constricted, to give myself the best chance of opening my body up. And the week before I cut down on the junk food. Mainly because I just don’t need anything crippling my moves. Healthy stuff in the system. It’s not a diet or slimming down thing, I’ve never done that for a video, not even Haunting where I played possessed. That was make up and binding the boobs in, gives an immediate gaunt look. It’s just that I can do without burgers for a week (but no more 😉 ) and I want to give my body it’s best chance to perform. With the obvious exception of Little Dragon, where I was ill and my grandpa died right around those weeks of filming. Some have said it made it more real, as I was the mother of a toddler. It’s also the only time I’ve gotten a mean comment about my looks, on a blog post talking about how there’s too much focus on women’s looks in the entertainment industry, with the blog post before talking about why I was so run down. So someone should have asked the wizard for a brain that day, I guess…

Anyways, I’m running a small cold and a fever, so I have to trust that all the practising I’ve done before is enough, because now I’ve gotta concentrate on being quite well come friday. It has it’s upside though. Looking quite the not so minty fresh little lass, the artwork for the surprise B-side, Milk Carton, is perfect, as the “missing persons” pic on a milk carton is seldom flattering.

It’s an old song from when I had very little equipment to record with, and my only A capella song, so it’s pretty special and very old school. It’s a fictional story of a North American woman fleeing her abusive partner upon finding out she is pregnant. Now all she wants to do is protect her baby. North American because she gets in the car, starts driving, keeps on driving and only stops at diners and motels. Diners and motels, well, that’s pretty much USA stuff. And missing people on milk cartons as well. It does not end well, hubby finds her and gives her a final good beating, she miscarries on the bed. There’s a happy child voice throughout the song disappearing in that moment  with a whisper. It ends before it’s clear if the woman survived, leaving that to be questioned, but I hate stories with no hope in them, so if you ask me I think she did.

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Shed a new light

Just got this small scale stage/photo light from Thomann, below I’m trying it out on myself and the other stuff I bought in that shipment. Still practising and positioning but the light seems to be doing a good job! Fun new toys regardless…

Oh, and I recommend Uncut’s Kate Bush special! A bit expensive (12€) but packed full of anything you might wanna read about the lovely miss Bush. Inspiring for me who’ve started to roll with the punches and stopped rolling my eyes at the comparisons of the two of us (I’ve always known it’s an awesome honour to be compared to her though).

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