And fluffy! Measuring myself for the costume of Cobweb I had measuring tape and everything inbetween (measuring armpit girth? Fresh!) I guess it’s to fit my wings since I’m a fairy.
I’ve also had a great feeling of dispondency in the last few days. Mostly because of the whole “women in the industry thing”. The hopelessness comes from listening to the lads. “What? Uneven? I don’t know any women experiencing this, I am not experiencing this!” Well, lads… of course YOU’RE not, and I bet you don’t know how hard the women have worked. All I got was “If you’re REALLY interested, but women aren’t, then you make it in the industry.” I can’t even tell you how idiotic this is from a social psychology point of view. Of course, women who are interested enough… but why do they have to be “interested enough” when the lads don’t? Soc psych 101. Women are the underdogs, therefore someone with a good interest who can’t take the “lad’s studio” won’t stay… When the industry is 90% men, men get encouraged in another way. It’s a man’s industry. Made by men. For men. So men can be mildly interested and still make it. Women have to go another extra mile… or ten… (With exceptions among men who aren’t ‘lads’, I know this).
I’ve nagged my way into studios, into cutting rooms. And interested as I am, I don’t get the social bit and end up doing a lot by myself. Because it’s men’s humour, men’s way of looking at things. I feel cut out. I know. Women and feelings. But it’s just so typichal. I argued for as long as I could with short answers when someone posted a link with the comment: “Hey, whatcha complaining about”. I even got offered a job, and I was like: “I can’t. My car doesn’t work and I have album work planned. I can’t right now. The album takes months to plan and organize.” And got accused of “not taking the chance” and “complaining about nothing” when I won’t even take the job. Here’s the difference, boys and girls. In the “lad’s world” he can say no and get offered a job two weeks later. In my world I “squander my chances” and “play the victim”.
I took three screen dumps of the conversation I had with this music industry man. For every tenth sentence he says… I interject with ONE. And he says I’m nagging and I’ll have problems in the industry if I go on like this, with this “attitude”. One sentence to his ten. And I’m nagging and giving attitude. So… women should just shut up?
These are the people with the power of giving me jobs. And they systematically reject every little thing I say, even when I hardly say anything. I can’t pay attention to an uneven industry, even when it’s so obvious a child would see it. Because it’ll cost me a job. Yet this is what I’m all about. Damn right there’s some despondency.
I even posted in the group “Varför apor aldrig bär rosa klänning” a group very good at giving support when it comes to things like these. And they couldn’t answer. The industry is just so fucked up there’s no solution right now, not even a good counter argument. I guess I’ll have to make some. Thank god for the powerful women in the music industry calling themselves “feminists” now. Together with them, I hope I can make a change…
Note: I eventually said a very clear “no” as the music industry man was also mocking me in public, I told him I’d be stupid taking the job after that. Dunno if it made any difference, but… sometimes you’ve gots to stick to your guns…