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You want what you can’t have

There’s something to be said about how inspired you get when you just can’t play.

Procrastination works, it works fine, you have all these “have-to”‘s and you sit down playing instead, it’s very effective. There’s even a science in how you can get things done if you’re a procrastinator, very psychological 😉

But also, like now, when I have a cold. I mean, my fingers just ached for the piano when I had to lay down and rest with the fever. And now, when that’s gone, my voice won’t carry for a long period of time. And I just wanna sing. Wife A said: “It’s weird how much you wanna sing when the throat won’t let you!”. It’s pretty universal. I did swallow an unusual amount of tea (two cups, a lot for me) and unusually small amount of coffee (two cups, again, it’s me we’re talking about) and went rehearsing today. Of course taking it easy. I aints stupid. But how I had longed for it. And yes, we had to do it in intervals but it’s shaping up nicely 🙂

I can even tell you, when I was recording the first album, I was doing all these demos when a big cold struck. And I was making Like the girls on TV. I produced and put as many instruments on as I could before the urge to put demo song on took over. To this day it scratches my throat when I listen to it. I can just feel the pain. It really is one of the few song recordings I’ve made where the voice didn’t work with me at all, I have techniques where I can sing even when I get pretty hoarse, but that time… The voice was really going. I kept it as a dub underneath the “real” vocals, so those of you with good ears and knowledge of production can hear it if you listen carefully.

When I moved to Hultsfred to study music engineering I had another “can’t”-situation. I moved up early to adjust to the new surroundings, and my friends braught up the keyboard for me six weeks later. I was drumming things. Playing pretend piano on the table and the matress on the floor. I looked as insane as I was probably going. Some of my best songs were written up there. Partly becuase of that, partly procrastinating when there was math studies 😉 I was alone in a big house with only forest and squirrels outside when I wasn’t going to school, with the exception of friends and a classmate hanging out when I studied, and inbetween. So sure, that frequenzy of songwriting wasn’t even a challenge to tune in. Sorta like the “radio” was there and I only had to press the “on” button with the frequenzy ready.

Back to the present, it didn’t help that I put my Rufus DVD “All I want” on the other night as I’ve been listening to Want One and Want Two which the DVD accompanied. Wickedly inspiring, whatever album you fancy he’s still a master songwriter with an effortlessnes envied by Elton John and Sting (who appeared on the DVD, whoop whoop). And there’s Loudon Wainwright. And there’s Kate McGarrigle (<3 RIP). And there’s Martha talking about her stupid older brother annoying her when he pounded away at the piano at 14 (hmmm, do I recognize that kind of sibling comments? :P). And there’s this skinny 15-year-old with a perfect pitch. And there’s this grown man talking like a big 12-year-old (again, that I recognize) and I can’t believe he’s a dad now. She must be living on jelly beans (hint hint reference) if he doesn’t eat them all. And there’s this man, finally you see this grown man (positive grown up, usually that’s a negative adjective for me) when he says: “And I said look I’m gay to the record company, and I said I wasn’t going to hide it.” ❤ Only 10 yrs ago that was tough, still is, but tougher then, so exceptionally brave.

Watching him in the early days recording casette tapes, watching him later recording in a big studio… Oh yeah, no matter what he releases (I’m not fond of the new Best Of) there’s still this wicked inspiration to get just from watching him. I feel like a fab little gay boy listening to him. I know how that sounds but I love it.

Anyway, I did take my feather pen and sit by the piano for a while after watching that. Easing in to it. I mean, we don’t want to shock the voice and all that when it’s back on full track again, do we? 😉





About lillabohmen

Swedish lovechild of Kate Bush, Tori Amos and PJ Harvey. 2 albums and 2 EP:s, all available at Spotify, Itunes, and physically. A blog about music, being a female musician in a male dominated business and the occasional feminist/veggie rant. Check out my homepage: for news, bits and bobs and bio, and buy-o of my music. Never lose that creative spark!

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