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Everybody hurts

Right now that’s the very definition of truth. A friend of mine died last thursday, a teacher, someone I owe a lot. Watching the fireworks in Skara new years 2011/2012, me and artist friend K met him and his then wife enjoying the spectacle as well. We were invited up to their place for a little wine and snacks and New Year’s talk. I was frustrated at the time as I was between drummers, and couldn’t find a steady one, hardly a temporary one. I’d been looking for a long time and I was like: “I’m too different. I’ve worked my way up to my level without, you know, the ‘status’ and ‘hits’ that make people wanna work with you.” to which he replied: “Ah, come on, Maria, you can’t do anything different than what comes out of you, and the world needs more different music, doesn’t it? Better you love what you do and make something unusual, gives you a hell of a lot more of a chance.” “Yeah, I guess”. “And I’ve got a number here for a kid who loves music and is a wicked drummer”. I took the number, waited for a day or two after new years and after a few deep breaths I gave the drummer a ring. And I play with him to this day, calling him my own personal metronome. He and the bass player are seriously my little music family, occasionally visited by a distant cousin putting guitar or violin or choir in the mix 😉

Most recently he put me in contact with my excellent boxing girls in the Ponies video. And come thursday, there was just this big picture of him in my newsfeed with a R.I.P under it. I just froze. And right after that I had singing lessons. I had to push it out of my mind. It had to wait. I couldn’t have a trembling voice or let the sadness take over, students (of any age) are insecure enough and beeing met by a sad face not knowing why is very demotivating. I kept the lessons before breaks going longer than usual. I couldn’t be left alone too long with my own thoughts.

On the way home I screamed in the car (the only place you can scream really when you live in an apartment) but I had buried the tears a little too deep. So I put on Big Fish and… release…

What I saw when I met this person was someone who inspired a lot of students, who surrounded himself with creativity and creative people, someone who was supposed to be around for a long time. It felt very unreal. Still does. If I knew this was going to happen, I would’ve thanked him properly for helping me out as much as he did. But you never know, do you? I guess we should get better at telling people these things. You never know when it’s too late.


About lillabohmen

Swedish lovechild of Kate Bush, Tori Amos and PJ Harvey. 2 albums and 2 EP:s, all available at Spotify, Itunes, and physically. A blog about music, being a female musician in a male dominated business and the occasional feminist/veggie rant. Check out my homepage: for news, bits and bobs and bio, and buy-o of my music. Never lose that creative spark!

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