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A valentine for everyone

She’s gonna get into politics now, oh yes 😉

Seeing a rainbow three days in a row, including yesterday on Valentine’s Day, got me thinking about love and Sotji. “The olympics?” you say “is it not against a musician’s nature to be into sports?” Yes. Yes it is. Don’t worry. I’ve watched the occasional game at work because kiddo loves watching sport and running people, so I know how the men did in ice-skating, but not much more. I’m talking about the rainbow flag of course.

So, according to Putin, it’s OK to be gay but not in the open. You can’t talk about it or display your emotions openly. Here’s the harm in that; people need people. Can’t you just see me standing in the rain going all Barbara Streisand on you? People need people because people need to talk. They need to not be cooked up in an apartment or house only there free to be themselves, all the while feeling the shame of what they are doing. Because that is what happens. When you talk to no one, and all around you there is just: “You are disgusting and shameful”, it’s extremely hard to resist, even if you are an intelligent, confident person. A partner may be a good support and fend it off like a champion for a very long time, but something creeps in.

Here’s what happens when you can talk in the open; you realize there are more people out there like you. No matter what your problem or whatever you are unsure about, you are never really alone. Maybe you don’t have a big crowd cheering you on, but you have people that can become your crowd, people you can surround yourself with that become your frame of reality. We are meant to be in packs. Big ones, small ones, but we are herd animals, we really are.

That’s really the reason I’m well nowadays. Well, that and taking walks and cutting down on drinking and stress when I feel the depressive thoughts and moves come a-knocking. Doing things slowly and being present. Because I know I’m not this freak alone in my situation. And knowing that, I get less nervous and focus on myself in a healthy way (depression is focus on you in an unhealthy way, sorta from the outside). I’m probs more open than a lot are about my feelz. But that’s because they scare me so little and I don’t feel ashamed. I’ve had good responses from people scared that they were alone too, saying I really helped them out. Bet they don’t know they help me out at the same time.

I’m not talking about revealing private things (heh heh), but I do get personal. And there’s a difference. I might tell you I am sad but I won’t tell you why/who/what. I might shout my feministic chants but I won’t tell you who/what triggered it. And no, I won’t do the “I hate a certain person, they’re such an ass!!” (the cryptic fb classic) either. I save that for me (except hate is a waste of time, so not much there either) and the people I have better contact with outside of the public eye. They get my stories, they get most of me. I guess you can say; I can get personal a lot, but private (hi hi) with a few.

And that is important. And while you, simply because you love a person, can be called digusting and horrible, you need your private, your partner, to tell you that you are wonderful. And find those people arround you who say: “Hey, how’s the love going? You love someone? I wish I did” or “I do too, wow!” While it is important to believe in yourself and love yourself for who you are, there’s a reason gay people feel so relieved when they come out (siiigh, I hope that word disappears, it’s just love). They are heartbroken by relatives disowning them, but take solace in the people that cheer them on. Those are the people they need to have in their world, as they are finally themselves.

I go back to what I said about depression. Depression is looking at yourself from the outside in an unhealthy way. And not being able to be out and open and being yourself, except for in private, forces you to look at yourself from the outside a lot of the time. Seeing what the outside sees: a monster. How can you not get depressed and thoroughly unhappy from that? That is what I mean by personal. Stamming from the word “person”, which you are, in all your glory, being yourself.

I love that some competitors in the Olympics wear the rainbow flag in support. There is comfort in that. Comfort for the people that have to keep hidden, that someone performs an act in support of them in front of millions of people. This is what the public eye can do for you when we want to get open and personal in a place where you are not allowed to be. I pray we don’t have to even comment on everyone’s right to love in the next Olympics.

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I spent my Valentine’s Day with my misstress for 20 yrs, the piano. Now that’s a steady relationship!

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About lillabohmen

Swedish lovechild of Kate Bush, Tori Amos and PJ Harvey. 2 albums and 2 EP:s, all available at Spotify, Itunes, and physically. A blog about music, being a female musician in a male dominated business and the occasional feminist/veggie rant. Check out my homepage: www.mariabohm.com for news, bits and bobs and bio, and buy-o of my music. Never lose that creative spark!

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