There is one cover I’ve performed that really hits home for me, gives me certain flashbacks. It’s no secret that I’ve battled depression back and forth in my life, and at about 22, there was a down period where I would hardly get out of bed. I got a gig at a Moulin Rouge themed party, and so naturally, I thought about one of my fav pieces from there. Queen’s The Show must Go on. It was easy to perform, it felt close to my heart, and I’d continue to perform it. And it was so apt. I’d lie in bed shaking during the days and weeks, then perform at gigs and while I might have been shyer at the time, I don’t think anyone saw someone who lay in bed all day screaming, crying, refusing to open the blinds, hating herself. Because The Show Must Go On. Even at my worst, I could still perform. It’s good to know I don’t have to be nervous about that 😉 I was even in this big production in a consert house, lying on the couch with a sickly shiver inbetween the takes and rehearsals. But as soon as I was on… bam…
Somehow, when I had the big break and turnaround at about 26, the song fell out of my repertoir. My psyche was getting better. Life was worth living, and performing wasn’t a struggle, it was wonderful. So I guess it just naturally disappeared.
But as Queen launched their VEVO and became active, and I’ve got my usual “research, keep yourself updated, know your history”, and lets face it, Queen is music royalty, if not deity… well, I was reminded of the song again. I didn’t think more of it, went to London, felt this odd draw to Kensington where our hotel was, and Portobello Market in Notting Hill.
Got home and baught Innuendo cause I wanted to make a small recording of the song. Of course I looked up info on it. And kept researching, and looking things up and all of a sudden I found myself knowing about a lot more than Innuendo. Like Freddie’s last days, that he lived just around the corner from the hotel and had an art corner in Portobello market where he sold things (with drummer Roger Taylor). Some obsession phazes are just meant to be, aren’t they? 😉 Anyway, all the reading and researching paid off as it sort of conveyed; “skilled people, yes, godlike, sorta, but still they were people, they did what you do” and made me less afraid to be stupid/ballsy enough to make a recording of a Queen song. There are no Queen standards to it (only Queen can be Queen) and I know that, but it’s an absolute Maria version (only I can be me), and that’s sorta what matters. It’s been haunting my head, not theirs 😉