Right, I forgot, I simply must share this song by song review of the EP! 🙂
And I’ll tell you what I told Dave who did the review. That the meaning of the songs aren’t guarded in that sense. I do put them out there gradually, and when someone asks I’ll tell ’em. But being an avid music listener myself, I know some want to take their own emotional journey when they hear a piece of music. I know myself, feeling Evanescence’s “Lithium” was the perfect description of addiction/cold turkey got really disappointed when I read the real meaning…
So I’ll tell you, piece by piece as far as you want to. But since Dave gave me such a great review, I sent him, also song by song, the meanings. He loved it. Let me know if you want me to do the same. Because music is for me but also for the listener. And music shouldn’t be hard. You feel or you don’t. And sometimes you need that explanation to get the feel. Tori Amos writing her beautiful songs about her miscarriages really hit home more once I knew her struggles, so I know it’s a fine line to balance.
The psychology of being an artist is still fascinating, though. With the performance this thursday, I really just went all out there. Lorra breasts. Lorra legs (I had me one fine button slit). Lorra humping against the piano. And the photographer met up with us afterwards and said “I know you’re not “buskablyg”, a Swedish expression. You’re not shy about showing body parts or talking about sex or being sexual in general and no, I’m not. As an artist. As someone who has gone through struggles in that department. Simply because I have lived through the difficulties. It either shuts you down or makes you stronger. I truly believe that. And I’ve said to myself: “I’ll be damned if I let these struggles leave me weakened and unable to talk!”. So I’ll talk, laugh, joke. Part of where I, in the review, became that “enigma”…
But I once said: “Well… I’m too innocent for that” and got a laugh out of it… well… As I said, I’ll be damned if bad things leave me unable to talk and laugh. That doesn’t mean all of me is out there. If you please, the “real” me is an animal lover and big ten year old who honestly gets her big sparks from the innocent things we all got our sparks from when we were children. I’m just a big ten-year-old at heart. Especially when it comes to animals. My biggest sources of happiness are by no means the grown up ones. Having lived through hard stuff, the big child in me will always show me the true way to true joy.
So, removing the shame does not mean I’m out there fully. Unusually little, actually. I keep that part of myself, maybe yes, guarded. Humping against the piano, expressing myself through art, does not mean me humping whenever I get the chance to. It only means the removal of shame, not the slightly cynical wall I’ve got up there.
I’m no enigma once you really just talk to me. I think that goes for most people. Wearing your heart on your sleeve does not mean your sleeve hasn’t got a good defence system. Is this blog confusing? Well, then ask me about it. 😉